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P'dice

by Paul Cusick

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1.
Everything 05:01
You made me play with my new toys not my friends. You told me they were different, make do and pretend. But Johnny had a cardboard box for his home, then moved up to a coffin where he never grew old. You gave me everything I need. Forget their hunger, feed my greed. I've got much more than you. There's nothing you can do to me. Fast car, caviar, bank accounts, trendy bars, give me what I want, I pay cash, I don't believe in free. Stop begging in the streets, stop getting in my face, get out of my way, I'm not a charity. Life is good, living on cashback, isn't that the way to be? So tell me why, inside, I don't feel like me? I have everything you need. To feed your hunger, starve my greed. I've got much more than you. Do you think you'd be happy if you were me? Is this everything I need? I'm sure there's something else that I can't see. I've got so much more than you, so why am I so ashamed of me? This means nothing to me. Keep your trinkets and possessions, I need a new obsession you can't see. Everything is temporary, self inflicted complications, shackles of the mind that prison me.
2.
Dear god I hope you've got your ears on, I wanna tell you something that you wouldn't believe. There's children dying in the gutters. Tell me why you hide your heart up your sleeve? You never come down here. You never show yourself, is it fear? You never prove yourself. When you're needed you disappear. Who sins? Who chooses? Who wins? Who loses? My god - is bigger than your god. Your god - is better than my god. My god - thinks he is your god. But is god - but is god better than me? My god - does no more than your god. Your god - does no less than my god. My god - thinks he's the one god. But is god - but is god better? We'll see..., And they say - that my god forgives more than your god, forgives more than me. And they say - that my god accepts more than your god, accepts more than me. You never come down here. You never show yourself, is it fear? You never prove yourself. When you're needed you disappear. Who sins? Who chooses? Who wins? Who loses? Your god is kinder. My god is finer. Your god is wiser, but my god's older. Your god is smarter. My god is sharper. Your god is better, but my god's greater My god, your god, my god, but is god?
3.
Borderlines 11:36
Look out of the window when you're flying and you won't see the borderlines below. Fields roll out across the hills forever, where rivers wind and blood gently flows. You can turn the other way, but you know that we're.... Fighting over borderlines. On every map, plain to see. We're dying over borderlines, dividing you from me. Don't you stand before me. Don't you try to hold me down. For I will spend my life defying. Don't you patronise me. Don't control the words I say. I'm sick and tired of all your lying. So very tired of always..., Fighting over borderlines. On every map, plain to see. We're dying over borderlines, dividing you from me. You didn't want me to take photos of the flowers growing on the free side of the borderline. Digital conversations flow. You didn't want me to dance to the music playing on the free side of the borderline. Digital conversations flow.
4.
Tears 06:24
I know what you're thinking, though your face does not show. A refuge for your feelings, you don't let me in, you don't let me know. Torn between my heart and my pride, it's so sad when you cry. Empathy is ignorance refuted. Now I know, for I have tried. Your tears taste like mine, inside we're all the same. Your tears feel like mine inside. Don't generalise everything that you see, don't put me in a box, don't try and label me. Don't disregard everything I do. I'm not another stranger, I'm just another you. Would you listen to me? I've got that ticking in my head. What am I supposed to do? Would you like to see me dead? Would that make you feel better? Would you kick me when I'm down? Or am I madman's puppet or just a lonely clown? Your tears taste like mine. Inside we're all the same. Your tears feel like mine. Inside we're all the same. Your tears flow like mine. Inside we're all the same. Your tears dry like mine. Don't generalise everyone that you see, don't put them in a box, don't label them with me. Don't disregard everything they do. There's clear and present dangers and there's kindness meant for you. Please listen to me, I'm begging you please, what am I meant to do? I'm crying on my knees. I want to make things better, where did I go so wrong? Forgive me for my crimes I just can't go on. Your tears taste the same as mine.
5.
(can you hear me? I'm not just a memory) See the man in his pin striped suit? He looks just like me and you. But he hears voices inside his head. (do it now) A secret shame? What can he do? (talk to me) A distant thought in a broken mind, hidden far from view. (it's our secret) If he confessed that he thinks they're real, would you show, truly show him just how you feel? On the inside (all in the mind) you know, you know. (is that the way I feel?) A shame that you hide, (no one else can hear me) but you know, you won't show. (stand up for yourself) To be told that you're deluded. (psychosis) The things you see have never been. A waking dream that questions who you are. (sleep now) To include or preclude him? To recognise or look away? A judgement call you know you have to make. (are all these things for real?) And I hear the voices in my head, and they call to me. (hello) Yes they call to me. (I'll always be here) And I hear them crawling in my head, and they call to me, as they crawl in me. (can you hear me? why don't you listen to me?) (don't turn round now) Is that the way I feel? Are all these things for real? All in the mind. I just want the voices to stop.
6.
Hindsight 04:44
Catch a glimpse of tomorrow My mirror tells no lies Instant moments ever changing mask memories inside I can't stop the pain returning Nightmares with my eyes wide open Forgive me for my wrong doing I see clearly with hindsight The secrets in me are burning What have I done? My memories all return but not the shots from my gun
7.
I can only look at you, a glance, you turn away. I dream of things I'd like to do, and words, words I'll never say. You're unaware of how I feel, it's better that way. Some things are never meant to be revealed, revealed in any way. I just feel. I can't help but feel. I hate that I feel this way. I'll shelter you from how I feel, it's safer locked inside. My heart screams out a muffled cry. No echo from your mountainside. I just feel this way. I can't help but feel this way. I hate that I feel this way.
8.
It's dark on the road on your own. The dust stings your eyes then it rains. Six months have dragged by since the end of your world. Tomorrow you'll get up again. I know you look back in anger. There's hurt, there's fear and there's pain. I see your spirit fly on different winds. For you dream of the sun when it rains. When you're lost, on your own, we can find a way. Don't look back, don't be scared, I am here to stay. Take my hand, walk with me to your new home. Let your heart dance again, you are not alone. I know you look back in anger. There's hurt, there's fear and there's pain. I see your spirit fly on different winds. For you dream of the sun when it rains.
9.
Waiting 06:32
There's a little spot beneath my skin. A little spot deep within. That little spot beneath my skin is growing. That little spot hides within. Comfort me. Won't you comfort me? Can't you see what you mean to me? I did not ask you here. You bring pain, you bring fear. I did not invite you in to play this game that you always win. Don't look away, I see you here with me. Hold me close, I feel you here with me. Don't let me go, I need you here with me. Stay by my side until my soul is free. Don't look away. I won't look away. I see the fear behind your eyes. I see the truth that lives inside you. Hold me close. I'll hold you so close. Take comfort in my arms, feel them wrapped around you. Don't let me go. I'll never let you go. As long as you need me, I'll always be beside you. Stay by my side. I'll stay here by your side. Please know we'll be together until your soul is free. Don't look away. Waiting to die. I see you here with me. Hold me close. Waiting to die. I feel you here with me. Don't let me go. Waiting to die. I need you here with me. Stay by my side Waiting to die. until my soul is free.
10.
Now something's not the same. The pain has gone, I'm feeling fine. I'm standing in the strangest line, but wait, there's a voice inside my head, that tells me that I'm dead and please go away. Sorry you can't come in. We'd like to say you're welcome here, but that is not the case. Don't take this personally, we love the place that you come from, we just don't like the human race.

credits

released January 16, 2012

Words, music, vox and all instruments: Paul Cusick except...,
Drums on tracks 1,3,4,5,9: Marco Minnemann.
Drums on tracks 2,7 and 8: Gavin Harrison.
Additional Vocals on track 9: Sammi Lee.
Mixing and Production: Paul Cusick.
Additional drum mixing on tracks 2,7 and 8: Gavin Harrison.
All recording at Q Audio Studio except drums. Marco Minnemann and Gavin Harrison recorded their drums in their own studios.
Mastering: Paul Cusick
Artwork: Martin Roberts at M:art

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Paul Cusick York, UK

Paul Cusick ( aka Q ). Solo UK Artist whose music has been described as a mixture of Pink Floyd and Porcupine Tree.

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